The Vineyards

I recently concluded I hate freelance jobs.

This conclusion did not come from a recent failed job. In fact, I have taken no freelance work since July. While it may be odd that it took me six months to reach a conclusion, in my defense I have the fact the last six months were among the lowest points in my life so far; considering only the really worthwhile days out of those six months, those days where I did slightly more than keep on existing, July was about three weeks ago. It just so happened that January popped up right after it.

For that freelance in July, I had to proofread and normalize a book. Normalize: I am not sure if this is the right term in English, but I doubt there is a consensus on the word to be used, in Portuguese as well, for the act of making the fonts and their sizes in a given document all follow the same standards (eg, all first level titles in 16 points, bold; all third level subtitles indented by one inch). Precisely, I was supposed - or rather, it is generally believed I was supposed - to mark on the printed copy I was sent all the alterations that should be made.

I am not sure how I got this one, to tell the truth. I think a student from my course, with whom I worked on the school's comic book (Webcomics Special; shame we took so long to finish it, or we would had done the Manga Special that followed, as well), mentioned the publisher he was working for (one of the majors in the country) needed some books proofread urgently; I what-the-hecked and sent them my resumé. Absurdly, it was accepted; they had around five books to do, would give me one and if they liked my work they might give me another.

A few days after the initial contact I had in my hands a hundred pages of a very cheesy pseudo-didatical story about a family who spends the holiday in the middle of the Amazon Forest and comes into contact with all sorts of local problems, such as land appropriation, bio-piracy, deforesting, lack of general support and credit for farming. After the "adventures" they decide to found a non-government agency to aid the peoples of the region. The side-notes attempted to bring concrete information about the subjects being fictionalized about, but an afternoon watching the Discovery Channel would teach the poor student more than that book ever could. Still - money.

"What is your Social Security number?"

I have little idea how it works in other countries, but "Social Security" seems the closest thing in English, so that is the term I use. They needed my number to say to the IRS-equivalent here that they hired SS number 123 to do a job costing $, so later the IRS-equivalent can check on my declaration if I got $ from said major publisher.

"I don't have one. Smaller publishers never asked for it, do I really need one?"
"Yes, we can't pay you if you don't have a number."
"So how do I get a number?"
"You get one when you get your first job."
"You mean a 'common' job where I get paid monthly, yes?"
"Yes."
"If I had one I would probably not be doing freelance work."
"..."
"Is there another way?"
"I'm not sure. Check the IRS's website?"
"Okay, I'll get back to you."

Indeed, the IRS-equivalent had an answer for me. "Autonomous workers' numbers", I got one. But a number was all I got. They never sent me a card and never charged anything. I am not sure, now, if I actually have said number, and if I do, I wholeheartedly hope I am not six months in debt.

"You were right, the website had it."
"Good. Before you tell me it, can you confirm your ID card's number?"
"Sure, it's ..."
"Okay, now give me your Physical Person Catalog number."
"Of course, it's ... . Want my passport's number, too? Driver's license?"
"No, only your birthdate."
"I was born on ..."
"And your age?"
"Why, I am 14, of course, can't you tell by the birthdate?"
"... alright. Now, Social Security number."
"Finally. It's ..."
"Thank you. We'll get in touch."
"Alright, but when do I get paid? I already sent back the book five days ago."
"In another fifteen business days, should nothing go wrong."
"Ah. Very well, thank you."

Two days later I received an e-mail asking me to fax them my bank account number. I kind of did. Dawn came.

"You mention in the fax this account is not under your name."
"Yes, the account is under my father's name."
"Are you listed as a secondary user of the account, in the bank?"
"No, I am not."
"You have to have an account to receive the money."
"No bank would open an account for a student whose earnings are eventual freelance jobs."
"..."
"Can't you really deposit it into my savings account?"
"No."
"Can't I have it in cheque? I'll go pick it up myself."
"No."
"Then you'll just have to deposit the money in my father's account."
"Alright. What is your father's Social Security number?"
"Why do you need his number? I went through the trouble of getting one myself solely because you demanded I did, now you need his as well?"
"We can't declare we paid Social Security number 123, owned by person X, and deposit money into person's Y account."
"But he is my father, we have the same last name, I am listed under his IRS declaration! No deal?"
"Sorry."
"So now I have this number for absolutely no reason at all?"
"..."
"I will check with him, let me call you back."

I got my father's number, gave it to them. Three weeks later the money was in the bank account. Another four weeks later there was a letter in my mailbox from the publisher to my father, "Mr. Father, you were paid $ for the work you provided us, so you should pay $ of taxes. Thank you."

Other than that, I never heard back from them. I never knew, however, if they gave up on me because it was so complicated to pay me (in no way by my own fault! I did all they asked me to, even the completely unnecessary steps) or because my work was not good enough.

Which is the main reason I gave up on freelance work - all the long dialogues so far were just for entertainment, and to illustrate a secondary reason. Ah, yes, a parentheses for another secondary reason.

They needed it "two days ago" but were kind enough to give me three days to do it - which included Saturday and Sunday. Still, when I called them Monday morning to say they could pick it up by noon instead of the end of the day, as originally scheduled, I was told it had been delayed until Tuesday afternoon. Close parantheses, on to the main reason.

With the "book" I received an entire mini-PostIt of instructions. "Normalize titles pages 17 and 76, check footnotes on maps." Did I do it right? No idea. Did I do anything right? I had no one to ask. The fact they never called back leads me to wonder I just wasted their time and money and blew any chance I had of getting anything more serious from them than a lousy pseudo-didatical pseudo-book. Pseudo-pay, too.

Six months later, then, I concluded I hate freelance jobs, and am likely to only go after them if absolutely necessary, hopefully after I figure out if I indeed have that number and if I owe them anything, and after I open my own bank account - for which I need a monthly-paying job, which defeats the purpose of and nearly impossibilitates freelance work.

From this post one can derive the information I am still an unemployed college student. Good thing I am slightly protected by the fact this applies to around 70% of college students in this country, or I would feel a bit worse.

Maybe I will delete this post later, it says more than it should. Heh. Bah.

Posted by Etienne at January 28, 2006 10:34 PM