A few days ago a plague attacked these vines.
It was ruby who saw it first. She ran inside with a worried look upon her. "There is something very wrong with the Vineyards!"
I went outside to see what she was talking about. Nothing could be seen at first. "What is it?", I asked. "It seems normal to me."
"Look at the fields further down by the hills, and all the way back almost to the outer woods. Do you see?"
Something was wrong indeed. There was more green than common vines should bear. "What is that...", I added rhetorically, already partially knowing the answer as I approached the greener vines, not wanting to believe what my instincts told me. My heart, in immobile stampede, was nearly halted when the first projectile hit my forehead, just above my left eye, and fell to the ground by my feet.
"Medicine..?" I looked down at what hit me and saw an ugly pill, which I picked up. It seemed tarnished, like it had been reprocessed in some way. On one side I saw markings that probably spelt some unpronunceable name before it was wiped; on the other side, in tiny letters, "penis enlargement".
I opened my eyes wide, attempting to gather the absurdity of the situation, even though I expected it, when another pill hit me. This I caught in a quick reflex before it hit the ground, but soon dropped it, disgusted. Eroded, with spots of mold, the clearly expired blue square pill was not something I wanted to hold for long. Taking a few steps back to avoid being hit by the other flying pills and assortment of things I chose not to look closer at, I addressed ruby.
"They found this forgotten corner of the world. Where did they come from?"
"No idea. I just never thought they could sink so low."
Perched on most of the vines were dreadful creatures known to everyone who ever had their name followed by a @ signal. They were desperately throwing cheap medicine and OEM software and Algerian bank accounts and fake lolita pictures and business opportunities everywhere, while splurting out random babbling that sometimes resembled human language. Some of the more educated ones would compliment me on the quality of the grapes before throwing in a random direction whatever spoiled and fake offers they held. One came to the point of wearing a suit and hat and cane (but no shoes; slippers, instead, mismatched, with old smelly socks) and reciting a verse by Shakespeare.
I sighed and motioned to walk to the barn and drive out the MovableTank to remove those dreadful things from my yards, but as I reached into my pocket to get the barn's key I saw ruby coming back from it.
"I will do it", she said.
"I knew it could happen but ignored the threat, I should do it", I replied.
"I am already at it", she pointed out as she armed the first shell.
"I thank you, then. I will go find out where they came from."
By the Vineyards' gate sat the eversleepy slashstats guard. I was very glad to see he had been awake all November, as he often sleeps for entire months and I have to keep asking my caretaker to wake him up.
"slashstats, the Vineyards have been invaded. Tell me the name of all the people who came here in the last few days, and where they came from!"
"Huh? You came here a lot, sir."
"Me? Oh, yes, I know I am the main visitor... such a shame... but ignore that! Who else came?"
"A bunch of people... but many just come to pick up the stuff that your sister keeps here..."
"I know, I know! Tell me who came here, to the Vineyards!"
"Sure... we had visits by twohundredfourtyseven dot ninetysix dot..."
"Nevermind that, nevermind! Just tell me where they have been coming from."
"Uh... Some came from Yahoopolis, said they were told there were lyrics or music for download here... found none and left. Others came from Googleburg looking for anime... and... heh, one wanted an analysis of the ending of some anime... weird people... there was this one guy who wanted a shareware version of this old game by..."
"slashstat! Enough! Was there anything unusual?"
"Uhh... Do ya have any dealings with this php-soft.com business?"
"No... No, I do not. This looks very suspicious. Thank you, I will pay them a visit at once!"
"Kay... I'll go back to sleep, then. See ya."
Leaving ruby hard at her labor, I went after this mysterious "php-soft.com" business. The directions led me to a very dodgy looking building in a cheap neighborhood. The sign above the door had the place's name painted in red over some markings that, I guessed, were the business's previous name. I opened the door, which creaked loudly, and stepped inside.
Shelves and counters lined every wall from floor to ceiling. Jars and boxes and cages held creatures similar to those that invaded the Vineyards. I looked at some of the labels. "Submitter for forums, blogs, guestbooks", "Multi-proxy for maximum anonymity", "Mass posting script"...
I walked out and headed back to the Vineyards, ruby had finished cleaning everything.
"Whew! That was troublesome to do. But look, I found something."
Amidst all the pills and OEM software, she had stumbled upon three people who insisted in saying, over a year later, that the song that says "she is feeling cynical, tired, the city lights can really blow your mind" is "Don't Walk Away from Love" by Gregory Gray. One offered me a recording, and asked for its lyrics. They just did it over a year too late, I had already found out all that. Maybe I should put the lyrics somewhere around here, in case more wanderers come by looking for it.
I looked at ruby and she asked, "So, will you deal with that now?", pointing to a little post-it note afixed to my coat that said "write about New Orleans".
"Not yet", I replied. "I suppose this invasion deserves mention of its own. New Orleans can wait."
"Okay. But don't delay it too much, you might make your two readers go away."
"Aye. I will not."
- Vamos unir nossos poderes! Papel!
- Tinta!
- Envelope!
- Selo!
- Lambida!
- Pela união dos seus poderes, eu sou o Capitão Carteiro!
- Vai, Carteiro!
Of course, I should naturally apologize first for not writing in so long, and then write about what I had been planning to, which is - I will let be known beforehand so it can be held against me later - New Orleans. Because Courtney went there (no, I did not).
Sometime soon.